Well...hello there!

I've been meaning to get back to blogging for a while now, but something happened tonight that set me off.

It all started by a seemingly innocent tweet.

Everyone that knows me knows I enjoy shopping. That's certainly no secret. It's also no secret that I'm not a fan of shopping alone. I'm awful about making decisions and prefer having someone else to give me their opinions of what I try on. As a result, when I'm alone and am thinking of buying something I often turn to Twitter. Tonight was no different. I have several holiday parties to attend and wanted a new dress. Could I wear something in my closet? Probably. But in the last year I've lost a significant amount of weight which means a lot of things in my closet no longer fit me and frankly, I simply wanted something new. No crime there.

What happened next really surprised me. I got a bunch of tweets from my "internet friends" telling me things they liked and disliked about the dress. Then all of the sudden, I saw this:

I was instantly taken back. I instantly replied "whoa - so not true! I have numerous Christmas parties to attend - mostly the same people at all of them." Then I looked at her timeline and what I saw really surprised me.

I'm not really sure what I've done to bring on this sort of exchange about me. For all anyone knows I was at a discount department store trying on a clearance dress or at a store shopping with a gift card that I had been given. I never mentioned where I was. I never ever would have mentioned the price of this dress. Also, not everything that gets tweeted ends up in my closet. That's the whole point of tweeting the pic, to weed out the uglies!

There are so many other things I have to say about what happened tonight, but I'll just end with this:

Before you judge someone, take a second to learn a little bit about them and spend some time walking in their shoes. You may just be surprised by what you find out.

A Little Bit Stronger

This morning I woke up and set off to run 10-12 miles. It was a gorgeous morning and lots of other runners were on the street. I was cruising along listening to my music but my legs felt heavy and my body was tired. I called it a day after just under 9 miles. I got home and still had plenty of time for a kettlebell workout before I needed to get ready for church. I popped in my Jillian Michaels DVD and gave it all I had.

Much to my surprise, I still had tons of time to kill before getting ready. I started a pot of coffee and hopped in the shower. After my shower, I made breakfast and watched some tv before deciding it was time to get moving. Before getting up, I changed the channel to U-Verse's new Today's Country station. The first song that came on was Sara Evans's A Little Bit Stronger. I tweeted part of the lyrics:

Doesn't happen overnight, but you turn around and a month's gone by,

And you realize you haven't cried.

I'm not giving you an hour or a second or another minute longer.

I'm busy getting stronger.

I didn't think anything about tweeting it. I love the song, love the lyrics, nothing more. It wasn't until I was about half-way finished doing my hair that it hit me. Today is May 8th. To most people May 8, 2011 meant that today is Mother's Day. To me, it meant so much more.

May 8, 2008 was the day that I ended my marriage. It was the day that I decided that I'd finally had enough. It was the day that would change my life forever. I didn't know it at the time, but I was close to hitting rock bottom, which meant that I was close to picking myself up and putting my life back together again.

As I sit here three years later, I amazed at just how different my life is. My relationship with my family is stronger now than it's ever been. My friendships with those that were around three years ago are also stronger. I've formed new friendships with so many wonderful people and I am ridiculously happy to have them my life. I've become a runner - a marathoner! I've traveled to so many parts of the country that I wouldn't have seen if it wasn't for running and I'm looking forward to exploring even more cities by foot in the years to come. I feel more alive today than I ever have.

None of these things would have been possible if it weren't for the events that lead up to May 8, 2008.

Things aren't perfect, and they never will be. May 8th still triggered tears, but not as many tears as it did last year or the year before. One of these days, May 8th will just be another day. Until then I'm going to do my best to spend everyday getting a little bit stronger.

Thankful

Looking back on the memory of

The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone

For a moment all the world was right

How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything

For a moment wasn't I a king

But if I'd only known how the king would fall

Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance

I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance

Before I started writing this, I was sitting on my couch feeling a bit sorry for myself. 

This afternoon I had a meeting with my attorney and I learned my divorce won't be finalized as quickly as I'd hoped.  I came home, bitched to Mary, and turned the dvr'd episode of today's Oprah with Garth Brooks.  The first song he sang was Unanswered Prayers. It's a beautiful song, but I couldn't help but think how different (ie easier) my life would have been if God had left my prayer for a husband unanswered.  Of all the prayers, why did God have to pick that one to answer? 

Garth closed the show by singing The Dance.

The Dance got me thinking.  Would I really change the last four years of my life if given the chance?  Of course, my initial reaction is a resounding "Hell yes," but after a little bit of thinking, my answer changed. 

I've eluded to this before, but I don't think I've ever come out and said it.  I am thankful for my marriage.

Before you start calling me crazy - hear me out. 

Was it a healthy relationship? No. 
Would I ever wish an abusive relationship on anyone? No.
Am I still struggling with the negative effects my marriage had on my life? Yes.
Would I do it all over again if I were given the chance? Probably not.
Did going through a bad marriage bring me to where I am today? Absolutely.

You see, I strongly believe that my ex-husband is indirectly (and maybe directly) responsible for me becoming a runner.  He took me to a very dark and scary place, one that I was sure I'd never escape. Looking back on my life since my separation, I now know without a doubt that I needed to hit rock bottom for me to learn that I had the strength to pick myself up.  And for me, picking myself up began the day I took those first steps as a runner.

Running has sped up the healing process. I learned that I could do things I never thought I could, like run a mile. It made me believe that I could do things that seemed impossible, like run a marathon.  It has allowed me to travel and to make new friends.  It has allowed me to raise thousands of dollars for causes that I hold close to my heart. Most importantly, running has given me a confidence that I never thought was possible.  

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

For me, truer words have never been spoken. 

Now as I sit here, looking back on my life in a different perspective than I had just 2 hours ago, I realize that God sure does know what He is doing.  So many of my prayers did, indeed, go unanswered. During the 7 1/2 months of my marriage I said many prayers asking God for a child and maybe even more prayers asking that He give me the strength to keep my marriage going.  I never asked God for the strength to leave or to allow me to be content without a child, yet that's just what He did.

So this Thanksgiving, I'm going to take a moment to be thankful for so many things, including the things I often wish didn't happen.

What If She's An Angel

Those of you who follow me on twitter probably know it's been a weird/rough couple of days for me. I'm not really in the mood to give a lot of details as to why right now, but I'm sure, in time, I'll share my story for those of you who don't know it.

This morning as I was getting ready for work I had my iPhone playing on shuffle and a song came on that I haven't heard in a long time. It was Brad Paisley's version of What if She's an Angel.  It's a powerful song - one that I think of often when I see people struggling.  Here's the second verse and chorus:

There's a man
And there's a woman
Living right above you in apartment G
There's alot of noise coming through the ceiling
And it don't sound like harmony
You can sit there with your TV turned up
While the words and his anger fly
Come tomorrow when you see her with her shades on
Can you look her in the eye

What if she's an angel sent here from heaven
And she's making certain that you're doing your best
To take the time to help one another
Brother are you going to pass that test
You can go on with your day to day
Trying to forget what you saw in her face
Knowing deep down it could have been her saving grace
What if she's an angel

A bit cheesey - yes, but it's an important message. Domestic violence is messy and I understand not wanting to get involved, but I'm going to ask you to do just that. If you hear or see something that isn't right, pick up the phone. If you see a friend with bruises time and time again, don't force your friend to make up excuses, instead offer help or support. Trust me when I say that sometimes all it takes is knowing there are people (or even just ONE person) to turn to for help for an abuse victim to leave.

From Safe Horizon:

The Victims

• One in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime. 
• Women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners, and men are victims of nearly 3 million physical assaults.
• Women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner (30%) than men (5%).
• Women ages 20 to 24 are at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.
• Every year, 1 in 3 women who is a victim of homicide is murdered by her partner.

The Families

• Every year, more than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes.
• Children who live in homes where there is domestic violence are also victims of abuse or neglect in 30% of 60% of such cases.
• A 2005 Michigan study found that children exposed to domestic violence at home show greater symptoms of trauma, including more illnesses.
• A 2003 study found that children are more likely to intervene when they witness severe violence against a parent – which places the child at great risk for injury or even death.

The Circumstances

• Domestic violence is most likely to occur between 6pm and 6am for both female and male victims.
• Domestic violence happens at home in more than 60% of reported incidents.
• More domestic violence-related homicides occur in rural areas than in suburban or urban areas.

The Consequences

• Among battered women living in shelters, 88% experience Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder because of domestic violence.
• Among women brought to emergency rooms because of domestic violence, most were socially isolated, had lower self-esteem, and had fewer social and financial resources than other women not injured because of domestic violence.
• Girls who witness domestic violence are far more likely to become victims themselves, thus continuing the cycles of victimization.
• Boys who witness domestic violence are also far more likely to become abusers, of both their spouses/partners and their children, thus perpetuating the cycles of violence in their own homes.
• Nearly 50% of homeless women and children are homeless because of domestic violence.
• Domestic violence costs more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work, medical and mental health treatment, and lost productivity at companies.

… #1 FACT: MOST CASES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ARE NEVER REPORTED

Change the facts – speak up, speak out, and make a difference for victims of domestic violence.