The post I've been avoiding...

I've been meaning to write this post since I got back from Disney World, but I just haven't. It's no secret that my last couple of races were disappointing to say the least and now I'm battling an injury. I've talked to Ron, Mary, Isis and Lee about this, but I don't think I've mentioned it to anyone else. My 2011 goals have got to be adjusted. I need running to stay fun and failing race after race is anything but fun. I'm tired of being frustrated and I need to find the joy that running used to give me.

This means no El Scorcho 50k and no Chicago Marathon. 2011 will be the year of 13.1 or shorter race distances, with the exception of the El Schorcho 25k.

Right now I'm struggling to run 5 pain-free miles, so my focus is currently getting that under control, but once that's better I am going to be doing everything I can to run a better race. That means I am going to be committing myself to speed work, hill workouts, cross-training, and losing weight. I doubt it'll happen in 2011, but my ultimate goal is a sub-2 half marathon.

Yes, I'm still running a lot of races in 2011. No, I will NOT be racing all of them. I am currently planning on racing RnR Chicago, and probably 2 others but I need to look over course profiles before I decide which ones.

Right now I feel like the marathon has beaten me down. Chicago 2010 kind of broke my spirit and I'm not really sure how to get it back. That race made me question if I really have what it takes to be a marathoner. I'm hoping these changes will help me out, but only time will tell. If all goes well, I'll be running through the streets of Paris in April 2012!

Chicago Marathon - Part 2 (The Race)

Once we left the hotel, we made our way to the open corral. Being at the starting line was surreal. I’ve never seen so many runners all in one place it was pretty amazing. Shortly after 7:30 we were moving towards the start line.  I think we finally crossed about 24-25 minutes after the gun went off.



I was still having fun!



For the first few miles I felt great. I was enjoying running through downtown and was pulling energy from the crowds. I heard someone say my name and was so happy that it was @BonnieGartley!! I can’t believe she found me in that see of people. At that point I was thinking that I might actually hit the goal time(s) I set for myself.  Somewhere in between miles 7-10 all of that changed.

By mile 10 I was feeling pretty awful. I knew my splits were off and that I was really slowing down. That’s a pretty shitty feeling when you know you still have 16+ miles to go. Then I started getting dizzy. I took a GU and ate a few Sport Beans. I’m pretty sure I was dehydrated. I looked at my phone and saw text messages from friends and family. Those messages were enough to pull me through for a little bit. Somewhere in those miles @MaddyHubba also found me on the course – and I was so happy to see her!

I remember texting Lauren (@LiloRuns) that I was miserable and that I was afraid of a DNF…I think this happened about mile 13. Jenna (@TinyJenna) was texting me, too, and I think I may have told Jenna the same thing. I pulled off the course at the next aid station, thinking that I was done, but right as I walked up to a volunteer a song that means the world to me (J.Simpson’s Remember That) came on my iPhone. Yeah, yeah, yeah…laugh all you want about the fact that a Jessica Simpson song kept me going, but it reminds me of what it was like to live in an abusive marriage, and more importantly it helps me remember the strength it took to leave. I asked the volunteer/RN for some aspirin/Tylenol/whatever they could give me and hopped right back on the course.

fake smile

Things got a little better for a few miles. I was able to fake a smile and wave for the course photographers. I remember sending a tweet that if I could smile and wave I could keep going, but my feet were killing me. I could feel the blisters on my toes, heels, and balls of my feet forming. Blisters are something I always deal with on long runs, but not like this. I’ve never felt pain like this. Then I realized that my shoes and socks were soaking wet thanks to the spray stations, open fire hydrants, and people with their hoses. Fabulous.

@PunkRockRunner (Ron) must have heard I was struggling because I started getting texts from him somewhere around mile 18 or 19. He kept pushing me. I had a feeling that he and Jenna were texting each other (this was later confirmed J). Lauren was texting me too. These three people were awesome, constantly telling me that they believed in me.

Sums up how I felt about the day

I later found out Lauren and Ron were updating the rest of Twitter about my day. Every time I looked at my phone I had a new text and the couple of times I checked Twitter I was moved to tears when I read everyone’s messages. I want to say it was about mile 22, or maybe it was even later, my phone rang and it was Ron. I’m pretty sure I was crying through most of the call and to be honest, I don’t really remember what we talked about, but I do know he told me that he believed in me and that he knew I would finish this race.  All I specifically remember is feeling more love in those last few miles than I’ve ever felt before.

Maddy & I - DONE

The end of the race was a total blur. I remember seeing the photographers in the finish chute but I couldn’t force a smile. I was spent and completely deflated.  I left everything I had out on the course.  A few moments before I crossed the finish line I noticed that MaddyHubba was right in front of me.

After finishing I didn’t stop for a beer, or ice, or anything else. I grabbed a bottle of water, two bottles of Gatorade and headed right back to the Hilton.

I’m not going to tell you my time. I’m sure a lot of you already know and if you don’t and want to look it up go for it. I’m over feeling sorry for myself.  To say Sunday wasn’t my day is a gross understatement. I’m not really sure what went wrong other than I found out first-hand just how mentally tough you have to be to be a runner. I let my mind play games with me and my mind almost won.

I also feel like I need to mention a couple of things that are indirectly related to this race.

I got some slack from people about texting and tweeting during a marathon. I get that it’s probably something that most people don’t agree with, however without Twitter, I am certain I would not have finished this race. The love and support I got from everyone on Sunday was like nothing I’d ever experienced. I didn’t want to let you all down.  I knew that I had a ton of people virtually cheering me on from all over the country, I didn’t want to have to come back and tell everyone that I’d given up so I kept moving forward. This race belongs to everyone who supported me along the way – I could not have done this alone.

Back in March a friend and I made plans to stay together for this race. I was very much looking forward to spending the weekend together and getting to meet even more of my Twitter friends.  Mid-September I received an email rescinding the offer to share a room because this person didn’t feel like I take running seriously enough. To say this left me in a bind kind of understates the situation. I couldn’t find a room anywhere near downtown that wasn’t extremely pricey and I was considering not making the trip. That’s when Lee and Isis stepped up and let me share their room – that’s what a friendship is and I think that’s the true spirit of a runner.  Runners all need to lift each other up, not demean one another. I felt the love of more runners than I could have ever imagined on Sunday and it meant the world to this non-serious runner. I can’t wait to have the chance to cheer you all on during your next race or tough training run. You all embody the spirit of a true runner.

Chicago Marathon Part 1 (pre-race)

I arrived in Chicago bright and early Friday morning, not by choice, but because the flights that left St. Louis at more reasonable times were all full by the time I booked my ticket. I immediately headed to the Hilton to drop off my stuff and hook up with Lee and Isis of @Running Couple.  We hung out for a bit and then headed to Jamba Juice to meet @TinyJenna and Tall Boy.  We all grabbed a yummy smoothie and then we were off to the expo.

We breezed through the registration line of the expo and got our packets in record time. Then we grabbed out shirts and started walking around the expo.  Eventually Lee and Isis headed to the Athlete’s Honey Milk booth to help out while Jenna, Tall Boy and I kept exploring the various booths.  I think this is the first time in my 30 years on this planet that I’ve walked around a huge room full of stuff available to buy without spending a dollar. I’ve got to be honest here, I was pretty disappointed in the expo and if I wasn’t enjoying hanging out with Jenna I would have scooted out of there pretty quickly. Seems like I’m in the minority thought, most of my friends thought it was a good expo. Wonder if this means I’m finally to the point of being over expos???

Friday evening we headed to the Pre-CM10 tweetup. There we met a ton of awesome twitter peeps…some that I’d been chatting with for over a year and some that were new to me.  After dinner, a few drinks and lots of laughs I was ready to call it a night.

I had originally planned to head back to the expo on Saturday, but after being less than impressed with it, I changed my mind and skipped that.  Instead I had a nice relaxing morning drinking coffee while laying in bed. Eventually I wondered down to the hotel lobby to meet up with @RunnrGrl, @BeMadThen (and her dad, Ben), @RunnerGrrl96 and her hubby Jason.  To say that we laughed our asses off would be an understatement.  I was borderline concerned that we were going to get ourselves kick out of the hotel! It was seriously the best coffee date ever. 

As our coffee date was winding down, Lee & Isis were on their way back from the expo. Mel, Jason, Isis, Lee and I left the hotel to find some lunch. I can’t remember the name of the place we ended up at, but it was just ok. The company was much better than the food J After lunch we split up and headed back to our respective hotels for some relaxation.

Instead of naps, we ended up having a mini-party in our room. RunnrGrl and Lisa ended up joining us. We all cuddled, laughed, cuddled some more, and then laughed a whole lot more. I’ve never had so much fun laying around in my jammies with 2 other ladies in my bed and a married couple in the bed next to me, haha!

Lee, Isis, and I went out for a nice early dinner Saturday night. I had a nice Caprice salad and a very light linguine in a red sauce – my idea of a perfect pre-race meal.  We got back to the hotel and got everything ready for race day. We all laid our clothes and called it an early night.

I was able to fall asleep very easily, but woke up about midnight and spent the rest of the night tossing and turning. I finally drifted back to sleep and then the 5am alarm went off. Normally a 5am wake up call the morning of a race means chaos will ensue, not this time. Since the Hilton was right at the start/finish lines we didn’t need to leave our room until 7. Lee, Isis and I all took our time eating breakfast, drinking coffee, showering, and getting ready. I don’t think I’ve ever been so relaxed the morning of a big race!

Next up....the Race